I haven't really written much of anything [or done all that much, huh?] lately and I figured I'd catch you all up to date.
Weekly dental appointments since last year, embarrassingly still unemployed, a steady decline in mom's physical health and my mental health, and I might be trying to get into college [Would you believe it was completely on accident?].
Honestly, life is a bitter challenge for anyone to go through and I'm amazed and proud of the people that can keep fighting their demons no matter how many times they have to face them.
I don't talk much, I much prefer to write it out. I can spin stories and words people want to hear, myself included, when I use a keyboard. Unfortunately that gives me a chance to go over and omit the things that might need to be said. I think that's okay though? I use it to learn and figure out who I am as a person. Maybe someday I'll be able to transfer that ability from my hands to my vocal chords. I wouldn't mind saying sweet nothings and telling a story from my own lips.
Anyway, onto some of those things I've been up to lately.
I don't talk in my sleep. Ever. That happened some time last week and I've sorta been shaken up by it. I've come to realize that I need to work on the things that make me who I am instead of the way people turn me into someone I don't want to be. I'm still working on getting better, but I think I'm on the right track!
I hate getting help from people. My mom's always told me I'll be on my own after she's gone and I know that she's right. Which is why it's so hard to open up to people. I know what's wrong with me and what I can expect from people, what people will expect from me. I don't want to mope over it all that much though. So I'll just suck it up from now on and just try to be great, even with the obstacles that will definitely pop up.
I guess that's why I'm not exactly fighting or trying to avoid these calls from colleges? I've got access to some of those things I want in my life and it distracts me from the things I can't get away from.
Let it be known to the world, I absolutely LOVE to read. I'm one of the only ones in my circle that can, and will, willingly sit down for a couple hours and just read. Actually I'll sit down at like nine to read, look up and it'll be five o'clock. I don't really understand why people react like reading can be something terrible. I wonder if someone would explain it to me? What's so bad about reading?
I admit, one of my parents tried to get me to read the first Harry Potter book when I was about eleven or younger. Gosh, I hated that. If a person really doesn't want to do something, there's no way you can get them to do it. Took me a few years to really try reading that series and I still haven't even started book seven yet. I read other books, SMALLER books, though. Things that were in my reading level. I liked those, I wasn't very good with vocabulary back then. After I got over that incident with the biggest book I was scared to read, I can't seem to stop wanting to read longer and longer books.
Which is why I want to figure out the things I'll need in order to become a Librarian. I want to share with kids the joys and the GOOD things about reading. I want to help aspiring writers join their veterans. Read the books to learn a little bit about everything the library has to offer in terms of research. See more and more people smile while holding something they just can't wait to read. Kids, adults, everyone should be encouraged to read! It's something we can all do and it can leave you in suspense or brighten up your gloomy day. Reading gives you a chance to find the words you're trying to say, it shows you what kind of people are all over the world.
If the chance doesn't come to be a Librarian, I want to reach a publishing firm. If I can't find the way to encourage new readers to pick up their first book, I want to help give the readers an even bigger selection of books. I've been interesting in bookbinding for a couple of years and I can sometimes irritate my friends when I correct a word they mispelled. I'm one of the first ones they go to for spell checking though if they don't want to grab a dictionary or look it up. So I'll be looking into what I need to do there.
I'm a little scared. Nothing's really been going well at home, so with this college stuff seeming to cheer me up, I guess I'm just waiting for the inevitable bad thing to happen even though I don't know what it'll be.
I'm not typing this up to ask for help or anything like that. I'm looking into the things I need to look into and I have the information that I need. I just have a hard time talking and the last year's sorta been tough for me. Hopefully I'll be able to get back into the groove of everything that makes me who I like to be.